“Kindergarten Cop” Is being remade. Motherfuck.

Kindergarten Cop Remake

‘Kindergarten Cop’ is being remade.

‘Kindergarten Cop’ is being remade without Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I just want to die sometimes.

Not really. Because who gives that much of a shit right? (Some people probably do, but they are weird) but this is the internet and I’m kind of out of ways to express myself here short of going AHKDFJHAWEIGHAW over these god forsaken remakes so I just…..ugh…..won’t.

Lack of original ideas blah blah, this is a movie that can’t recapture the magic blah, blah. I’M OVER IT GODDAMIT THEY DON’T LISTEN TO US AND NOTHING IS SACRED. But who would of thought the blood sucking demons would have cared enough to go after Kindergarten Cop? Without Arnold? Arnold IS Kindergarten Cop. That movie would have been a steaming pile of shit with ANY other leading man. It would have been direct to video.

SURPRISE! The remake is going to be direct to video. Directed by Don Michael Paul who brought you classic dumpster bargain movies such as Jarhead 2 and Sniper: Legacy. Well, to be fair they might be good movies but no-one on earth can confirm if they actually exist. It sounds like a good line-up for Redneck Redbox night though doesn’t it?

So even though they are remaking another favorite film atleast nobody will give a shit. But don’t you dare touch Roadhouse. Or I swear to god I’ll………..definitely cry about it on the internet, probably buy a ticket and will want to die afterwards.



Black Mass Trailer #2 REVIEW

Bitch, I’m the truth!

Thats what I scream during sex. With myself. On Friday night. In the dark. Anyway.

Johnny Depp ditched Tim Burton and the white powder makeup to do something good with his amazing acting ability FINALLY.

What a dick eh? Depriving us of all his wonderful talents and instead giving us the equivalent of watching an amalgamation of a drag show/comedy act on fire in PeeWee Hermans childhood bedroom. Descriptive. Bitch I’m the truth.

Several “THANK GOD!” moments here. Thank god we get another gritty mob movie that harkens Goodfellas and the like. Depp’s character looks like his talent had sex with Ray Liotta and I dig it greatly.

The cast is dripping with badassery and I can’t even (or am too lazy) to pick apart all the awesome people in it because the list is so long and distinguished. (Like my johnson! AAAAAAHHH!) #StoleItFromTopGun #ButYouKnewThat #IfYouDidntGoBackInTimeAndDontReadTheseHashtags #PretendImAwesome


– Mike

Re-casting Spider-Man

Who Should Play Spider-man? Marvel Re-casting! – http://youtu.be/XQRZqIxpL3g
Now that Marvel owns part of Spiderman who should play him in Civil War? We call it We Watched A Movie Dream casting!! Jake Gyllenhaal? Logan Lerman? Many More! Why they should not do the Miles Morales story just yet and who would you cast as Marvel’s Spiderman? Comment below and let us know!

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Eli Roth & Keanu Reeves’ “Knock Knock” Trailer

Eli Roth & Keanu Reeves’ “Knock, Knock” Trailer

Here’s the teaser trailer:

That may be my favorite 30 second trailer of all time. One reason being I don’t remember a single other 30 second trailer off the top of my head. BUT! This one looks awesome. The Keanu Reeves badass comeback continues.

A midst trying to get Green Inferno finally released Roth and Reeves are over at Sundance promoting this little ditty. I say it looks like a blasty blast. Two hot women show up at your door soaking wet from the rain while the wife and kids are away sounds like the start to a porno…… AND IT IS!!! But what happens after?

Unless this is based on what Keanu’s real life….there will be crazy woman psycho hose beast consequences for this night of fun and shower banging while creepy lighting hits.

The idea actually creeps me out. Well done Eli Roth. Looks like a good start for a guy who says he wants to change his reputation as a film maker to not just be that-guy-who-does-gross-shit. He says it is different from anything he’s ever done. I believe him too…..because…..Keanu.


Source: JoBlo

Luke Evans Exits “The Crow” Remake Officially

the crow

Casting changes are bad for you! The Crow is dead and yet….it moves! Can’t Rain all the time!

Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. Love me some Crow quotes. FIRE IT UP! FIRE IT UP!

Ahem. So another day another production delay for The Crow Reboot. Luke Evans (No One Lives, The Hobbit) has officially left production on The Crow.

The film recently lost a Director in Javier Gutierrez and gained another in Corin Hardy. Hardy appears to be busy promoting his film The Hallow at Sundance and it appears that Luke Evans gives zero f-bombs about Hallows and couldn’t wait any longer for the film to shoot. This reboot has long been cursed going through actors like Johnny Depp goes through makeup brushes. ( A lot )

Lets see, there was Bradley Cooper, Mark Wahlberg (Let’s be honest that makes no effing sense) and Tom Hiddleston (Would have been THE shit) and Director Gutierrez who left the project in the dust like they were McConaughey’s kids in Interstellar. Gutierrez left it to make another version of The Ring.

Apparently the film has a good script that goes back to the old goodness of Brandon Lee times and is even backed by the creator James O’barr. There has to be something dank over at the studio as they attract actors like Channing Tatum attracts soccer moms only to watch them run away like they spotted Pauly Shore in a sex dungeon screaming SQUEEZE THE JUICE! A little much? Probably.

Who would you like to see play The Crow now? Honestly, I’m more scared than excited. Well probably get Justin Beiber. I’d like to see Lee Pace or Adrian Brody personally. Speak on it!

Mike Holtz

Source: The Wrap

“Expendables 3” in talks with Cage, Chan, Snipes & Jovovich

“Expendables 3” In talks with Cage, Chan, Snipes & Jovovich

Spread it on! According to Deadline and Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer says the studio is in talks for the action extravaganza “Expendables 3” is in talks with action stars Jackie Chan (Supercop), Wesley Snipes (Passenger 57), Nicolas Cage (Con-Air) and Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil). Holy explosions and roundhouse leg kicks Batman! This roster is getting more and more stacked with each sequel. There was also word a little while back that Steven Seagal was going to join the cast after Sylvester Stallone tweeted about meeting with him. No news on that as of now but the film does have a director in Red Hill Director Patrick Hughes. Sly himself is once again doing the writing. Who else would you want to see in your Expendables 3 dream cast? I’ll take a Clint Eastwood? Maybe some Mel Gibson. Throw in a little bit of Kurt Russell and I think we have completely owned the 80’s action market.

Mike Holtz, WeWatchedAMovie